January 2012
1 post
November 2011
1 post
March 2011
1 post
Sherry: Gas should be spelled g-a-s-s.
Me: Huh? why?
Sherry: Cuz gas comes out of your ass.
February 2011
2 posts
January 2011
2 posts
“You should just find someone online. Go on and see how many hits you can get.”
– My mom (trying to get me to consider online dating, as the Craigslist Killer is playing on Lifetime in the background…)
December 2010
2 posts
Mom: Who is this singing?
Me: I think it's Akon.
Mom: Egg Corn?
Me: No. Akon.
Mom: Akon? That sounds like a bug spray.
October 2010
2 posts
August 2010
2 posts
“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I...”
– Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (via welcometowonderland)
July 2010
16 posts
“They just had to find a way for him to take off his shirt, didn’t they?”
– My mom (upon seeing the commercial for the movie Charlie St. Cloud)
My mom was laughing at the words I use...
My response: “You paid thousands of dollars on my English degree. You’re really going to stand here and make fun of my vocabulary?”
I had an apocalyptic dream last night.
There were fires. Our backyard was burned. Things weren’t good. But all I cared about was that somebody had stolen some of my books, and the ones they left were trashed. I was angrier than the hellfire taking over earth. Talk about keeping my priorities straight.
“I’m scared of those things, those microscopic little things.”
– coworker (talking about sperm)
“‘Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top’…I thought that meant Daisy Dukes...”
– My mom
“I normally don’t have a burger, a brat, AND a steak, but it is 4th of...”
– Jim Gaffigan
June 2010
28 posts
“That was the thing about being on the inside: the world was just going on, even...”
– Sarah Dessen (The Truth About Forever)
“Love stories are written in millimeters and milliseconds with a fast, dull...”
– Gabrielle Zevin (Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac)
“Do you want to go into the sexual store?”
– Sherry (as we were passing Victoria’s Secret)
Discussing My Potential New Bike
Dad: You don't like the 7 speed option? What about the hills?
Me: It's not like I'm going to be climbing Alpe d'Huez or anything.
Dad: Did you have to look up Alpe d'Huez?
Me: Only how to spell it. The Mexican in me wanted to put a "J" in there.
“What if it doesn’t work out? What if it does? That is the cost of living.”
– from the TV show Castle
“I didn’t have much to say to anybody but kept to myself and my books. With my...”
– Murakami Haruki (via welcometowonderland)
1 tag
“There’s nothing you can do. When facing society, the man most concerned,...”
– Ayn Rand (The Fountainhead)
Time to Party?
Mom: Do you want to have a party, Lauren? It will be me and you. We will order a pizza and throw Cheerios all over the place.
Me: Huh?
“Let’s pretend this, let’s pretend that. They spent the first three...”
– Margaret Atwood (Oryx and Crake)
